"The Music Didn't Die" (Part Four)

 

My Return To The Stage

Above: Photos from the Summer of 2024. These were taken at live performances- actual gigs! I am amazed, grateful, and deeply humbled by getting the opportunity to do this all again. Top Photo: Second Place Beer Company, Lowville, NY. Bottom Left: The Lowville Cream Cheese Festival. Bottom Right: The Bateman Draft House, Lowville.

January 4, 2024- From my Facebook Music Page:

I deleted this on December 8, 2024. It was the pinned post on my page until November. I left it there to remind myself how far I've come and to take accountability for making statements I'll either retract or disprove by my actions later on. It isn't my first such announcement. No, I wasn’t trying to create drama or generate suspense. It's embarrassing if you want the truth.

First of all, I'm not famous, so who cares? Second, How much of a fool am I, to willingly walk away from something I have loved my entire life, without putting up a respectable fight. Playing music is the best medium available to me for self-expression. 

Anhedonia opened a void in me that couldn’t be filled by anything else. My escape was hellish. In the future, I need to be more respectful of a love that only gives without taking. It needs to be nourished, not starved. My next retirement from music will be announced in my obituary, and not a day sooner. Hold me to it. 

5/4/2024: First Time Back On Stage: Benefit for Joey Griffin

1/3/2024

From: Shawn P Corbett Music on Facebook (please follow!)

"I was deeply saddened to learn of the passing of my dear friend, Joey. He fought a long and courageous battle. With love and sincerity, I offer my deepest condolences to his family and vast network of friends. Joey was one of the most genuine people I have ever met. Meeting him meant making a friend.

I know Joey's family well. Like him, they are the real deal; generous, kind-hearted, talented, authentic, and honest human beings. My heart is with them all today. Without these folks, I wouldn't be where I am today. I really mean it.

In May, I had the honor of playing music at a benefit for Joey at the Lowville Elks. When Jasyn invited me to play, I immediately wanted in. Truthfully, I wasn't sure what I'd be able to handle physically. A one-hour time slot seemed manageable. The recovery from my own cancer surgery in February was slow and painful. I also hadn't performed in front of people in over four years. No way I was missing that one.

Jasyn made performing easy for me. I only had to bring my guitar and a microphone. My original plan was to play sitting down. It didn't take me long to scrap that idea. I played standing up, as I've always done in the past. The energy in that room provided the strength I needed to reconnect to music in a way that had eluded me, up until that day. Jasyn has since been one of, if not the most supportive friend I've had in terms of returning to live music.

Later that Summer, I hopped on stage to play a song with Kickstand at the Lewis County Fair, then a few weeks later at "Music In The Park" in Lowville. Later, Jasyn booked me at the Lowville Cream Cheese Festival and recommended me for the show I played at Second Place Beer Co. He literally was the person who got me rolling again. My gratitude cannot be overstated. Jasyn Griffin, I love you and consider you family.

The performance at the benefit turned out much better than I imagined. I felt like me again, even better, actually. After my spot, I joined Jasyn and Gabe Shepherd for an extended jam session to wrap up. It was amazing! The best part of the day was yet to come though...

Jasyn and I surprised Joey outside of The Elks Lodge with an unplugged and personalized rendition of "Closing Time" by Semisonic (IYKYK). I'll never forget the smile on Joey's face. I have so many cherished memories of making music in 2024. That one was the absolute best, with no close second.

Joey has been one of the top fans of this page since that day, consistently. He watched me perform many times over the years and was always happy to see me out. I hope that the music I posted this year brought him more smiles. And now the tears...

RIP Joey, my friend. You'll be missed by so many. Thank you for sharing your beautiful soul with all of us who had the privilege of knowing you."

Some highlights from the performance:

Joe Griffin Benefit- Shawn P Corbett

(Please subscribe to my YouTube channel.)

6/1/2024: "A Day Of Hope"

I ended up playing this event after conversations with some of my friends in recovery, those who are also employed by human services agencies in Watertown. It would be an unplugged (not amplified) performance at Peanut Park, at the center of Public Square.

Ryan Hardy had to cancel, so I played the entire time, taking only a couple of short breaks. For me, it was another big step forward. Despite being physically exhausted that evening, I felt inspired and highly motivated to do more with music going forward.

I split my time between guitar and ukulele. Without amplification, projecting was a challenge. I decided to move around the park to engage more people. It was just like my normal day of busking but with a decent-sized crowd. I didn't get paid to play "A Day of Hope". It was voluntary. The picture below was my reward, which was outstanding. 

8/23/2024: "Community Night Out"

"Community Night Out" is a national event. Basically, its purpose is to improve relations between police and the community. Admittedly, being asked to play this one was a surprise. Not my usual gig, right? I had a great time just the same. This was the first show that required me to carry and set up my own gear since...well, I don't really remember when. It was quite a few years ago. I'm glad my equipment was still operational. 

I learned a lot about my physical capabilities that evening. To my surprise, my body felt amazing before, during, and after performing. I was shocked by how much I had healed since May. My recovery from kidney cancer surgery plateaued for a while, but it took a giant leap forward between late June and August.

So...

A friendly probation officer connected me to the event planner. She works for the Department of Social Services in Lowville. I mentioned playing music to the probation officer during a random urine screening for Drug Court. No, I'm not making any of it up.

Probation, cops, and DSS? Not very “anarchist”, is it? But you know what…

I truly believe in community partnerships, especially at the local level. Open communication can create pathways for community improvement, which is very anarchic if you look at it right. Rome wasn’t burned in a day. Practical anarchism involves working to improve the current state of humanity while believing that a better world is possible. 

Hopefully, I will get to do this again in 2025. It was my first paid performance since February of 2020. 

8/30/2024: Watertown Overdose Awareness Day

What an honor it was to play music to bring awareness to such an important cause. I am grateful to ACR Health for hiring me to perform. There are so many great people doing the healing work of recovery in Watertown. We support each other when it matters.

I set up in the gazebo at Peanut Park. The rain relented just long enough for the event go off without a hitch. It poured heavily, right up until start time.

It was the first time my girlfriend, Michelle, watched me play live. After the show:

Her: "I'll help you carry gear and watch you play, but I'm not going to be a fangirl for you."

Me: So, that means you really are into me as a person, and not because I play music? That's actually weirder."

#HarmReductionSavesLives

9/21/2024: "Double Booked"

2024 Lowville Cream Cheese Festival

Michelle is from Pennsylvania. When I first mentioned the "Lowville Cream Cheese Festival", she paused and asked for clarification. It never occurred to me that there is anything bizarre about celebrating cream cheese, Philadelphia Cream Cheese at that.

I was obliged to explain the inner workings of the festival to Michelle, but by doing so, I also had to inform her that Philadelphia Cream Cheese is produced exclusively in Lowville, NY. That’s the equivalent of discovering that Croghan Bologna is made in Des Moines, Iowa. Luckily, it is not. I'm sure it was a lot to unpack.

I've mentioned playing at the festival in some of my previous posts. I was scheduled to perform in 2023. Then I got arrested a week prior. My name and arrest details were trumpeted by the local radio station, repeatedly, for a full 24-hour news cycle. The press release was publicly posted on Facebook and elsewhere. It was “small-town scandalous”.

I don't exactly remember why I booked the 2023 show initially. Maybe it was aspirational thinking. Canceling was the best choice available to me at the time. Showing my face in public would have invited a level of shame I couldn't force myself to endure back then. I was completely broken as a person.

Although I had played at the festival many times in the past (probably as much as anyone), I wasn’t actively practicing in preparation for it. Arrest and humiliation aside, I was in no shape to perform live back then. I would have sucked and I knew it.

My friend and fellow musician, Jasyn (mentioned previously) informed me that another music act had canceled their upcoming performance at the festival. He is tasked with booking, scheduling, and virtually anything else to do with live music at the event. After our conversation at the Lewis County Fair in July, he asked me if I wanted to take the vacant slot on the Veterans' Stage behind the American Legion in September. I didn't hesitate to accept. Hell yeah, I wanted to play!

In addition to Michelle, I had many friends in attendance that day. My daughters, their mother, and my granddaughter all came out, too. One of my oldest and best friends, Lee (Pete Townsend) surprised me by coming to hang out and show his support. It all meant more to me than I can describe adequately. From 2023 to 2024...Wow, what a difference. 

Minutes before I hit the stage, the scene got a little strange. As mentioned, I was there with Michelle (my girlfriend). Dawn (my first wife and the mother of my children), was also at the show, holding our granddaughter while I sang. I was grateful that they were all there. My second wife and my most recent ex-girlfriend...not so much.

I expected to see wife #2, though we haven't spoken in many years. The Legion is on her stomping grounds. Our paths cross often, but just in passing. The ex-girlfriend, however, was conspicuous in her presence. She just happened to stroll through, right next to the stage, 10 minutes before my start time. Nothing stupid ensued, but that was some Twilight Zone shit for me. My performance proceeded without incident.

"I really need to fucking move away from here", I said to Lee, rolling my eyes. He just laughed.

It was blistering hot that afternoon. My timeslot was from 2:45 to 3:45. The stage was unshaded, but it didn't matter because I was so happy to be on it. I wrapped up my hour with "Rockin' In The Free World" by Neil Young. I seldom play that song anymore, but I was joined by my good friends, Jasyn and Allison from the group Kickstand. It was a song we all knew. What an absolute blast!

Debut @ The Bateman Draft House

I had a second show booked that day. After finishing up at the Cream Cheese Festival, I had just enough time to pack my guitar and walk over to the Bateman Draft House. I had dropped off my sound system the night before with Michelle's help. A large section of State Street in Lowville shuts down for the festival and the surrounding parking is non-existent. Besides, it's impossible to set up for a 4:30 show in less than 45 minutes. It is for me anyway. 

The Bateman Draft House gig was just as significant as my return to playing at the festival. It was my first full-length, “All Originals" show ever. The songs I played spanned my entire songwriting career, from my early 20s to the present. It lasted 3 hours. The crowd was enthusiastic and attentive. Megan and Brandon, the proprietors, were incredible hosts.

I decided to sit in a chair while performing. It wasn’t a physical accommodation. Supposedly, I was going for that "storyteller" vibe. My between-song banter was unrehearsed, and therefore, quite dorkish. Michelle offered some constructive feedback concerning my interactions with the audience later on, which I appreciated. Crowd engagement is definitely my weakest area.

In the past, I would only speak sparingly at live venues, but my original songs have backstories. I did my best to convey those appropriately, but there is always room for improvement. I am forever committed to growth. Hopefully, I'll become more proficient at speaking on stage with practice. Maybe if I just imagine myself busking?

It was an amazing experience to share my original music publicly. Honestly, it was like a boyhood dream come true. I’d say the show was a hit, as I was invited to play a second one. 

Here is a video Michelle took that evening:

9/28/2024 Second Place Beer Company

My first show at Second Place Beer Company in Lowville was a last-minute booking. Jasyn called me that morning to gauge my interest. Of course, I was down. I made him aware of my transportation woes, which he offered to help with. The brewery had just opened a week earlier. I agreed to play from 5-8:00. 

All of my performances in 2024 were special. This gig was no exception. The business owners were friendly and accommodating. Basically, it was a cover music show, but I mixed a few of my own songs in, too. My last performance of this kind was at the Coachlight Inn in Brantingham, NY on February 21st, 2020, right before the Covid shutdown.  

It has never been my style to play the expected repertoire of generic cover songs since I’ve been a solo act. I only play songs I like listening to, which I believe surprises people sometimes. My song list (if I remember to bring one) crosses many genres and is a mixture of both mainstream and obscure material. It is always my hope to expand the playlists of the audience members. Cliches aren't my thing.

Being away from the game for so long and having such an eclectic style brought some unexpected nervous energy to the stage that night. What if I was too weird?

The 28th was a very warm September day. The building which is now retrofitted for a craft brewery, once housed a car dealership and repair shop. Its large overhead garage doors were open. People sat outside and played cornhole during the daylight hours. There was a substantial crowd, both inside and out.

I ran into many people I once knew but hadn't seen in many years. Overall, it was a warm reception, even though I played a fair amount of folk punk covers. I guess I mixed in enough popular stuff to keep the audience engaged.

My daughter, Sierra, drove me and my gear to the venue, which is just down the street from her home. I have been staying since my June breakup. She lives in Lowville with her husband (my son-in-law, Andrew), and my baby granddaughter, Ivy June. Sierra made me a tip cup out of an empty Mason jar for the show. That proved to be an excellent idea.

Jasyn designed that poster (above) using a Facebook photo from my profile. I was 36 years old in the picture. I joked about it with the establishment's owner, telling him it was false advertising. I'm looking forward to playing more gigs at Second Place. 

Oh yeah…my “closer” was an acoustic version of Freebird. 

(Above) Sierra's tip jar at the end of the night.

October Malaise

October began with musical momentum and renewed confidence. It would be short-lived. A string of misfortunes seemed to hit me all at once. My unemployment insurance ran out, idiotic personal conflicts raged, and uncertainties about my health and cancer status cast an ominous shadow over my previously unshakeable optimism.

Truthfully, I started to doubt myself and my purpose, which came through in my writing in October. I wasn't able to book any shows that month either, which didn't help. Due to cold and rainy weather, it was the end of my regular busking routine, too. I wrote about that in Part 3.

Playing music had become part of my daily regimen. When the seasons changed, I struggled to get any practice time in. The house where I reside is home to a beautiful baby girl, making a quiet environment essential.

It was then that I realized how important playing music was to me again. October was rough. I felt like my upward spiral had reversed course and right on cue, I considered abandoning my dream once more, which is to be a professional artist. 

With the love and encouragement of my true friends, my very caring youngest sister, the incredible adult children I am so proud to call mine, and the lovely Michelle, I moved tentatively through the new hardships. My people carried me through, just by being present in my life and supporting me emotionally when I needed it most.

I intend to show my eternal gratitude by living a positive, and with any luck, an inspiring life with the time I have left; many more years if the universe allows. Setbacks are an inevitable part of the process. Perhaps I got a little too comfortable with winning for a spell.

Despite my negative circumstances, a phenomenal new musical venture also began for me in October. That will be the subject of Part 5...

November 30th (Thanksgiving Storm)

Hard times continued into November, as the cancer screening process accelerated and my money continued to dwindle. So naturally, I was ecstatic when Megan from the Bateman Draft House contacted me to play another show featuring my original songs. We booked it for November 30th, the Saturday after Thanksgiving. 

Michelle and I had planned our holiday together for months. We reserved an Airbnb in the foothills of the Adirondacks. The plan was to cook dinner together, spend a few days and nights in the quiet of the wilderness, and then check out on Sunday morning after my scheduled evening show the night before. Most of it worked out spectacularly. The show part didn't happen though.

There was a major snowstorm that weekend. We were stuck in the woods. Over 2 feet of fresh snow fell upon the region from Thursday night through Saturday afternoon. Our electrical service was intermittent, and there wasn't any cell service to speak of (there isn't on a clear day). The WiFi had stopped working, even when the power was live.

With a growing sense of urgency, I asked the hosts if they could assist me in finding a signal somewhere nearby. Luckily, their neighbor was running a generator, so his WiFi was operational. When I contacted Megan about the show, we both agreed it was best to cancel and reschedule. 

Michelle and I were able to travel safely the following Monday. I wonder if the old me would have dwelled on the disappointment of a canceled gig and not embraced our circumstances as they presented. This current version of me didn't do that. Being stranded with Michelle was a wonderful opportunity that I am grateful to have been given. In a small space with sketchy amenities, we collaborated as a couple and made beautiful new memories. 

We'll reschedule that show when the time is right. 

Reflections

"And well, I've been thinking things

Thinking things I just hope aren't true

Like maybe you don't choose punk rock

Because punk rock chooses you"

Pat The Bunny

It wasn't the number of shows, the frequency of bookings, or even the money that mattered most to me in 2024. My January retirement announcement was sincere. I had just turned 50 and already I knew I had kidney cancer, which would require major surgery. Additionally, I was facing felony DWI charges, and I had just signed a plea deal for Drug Court a few weeks earlier in an effort to avoid incarceration. I'd say my decision to call it quits was reasonable and practical at the time. The trouble is, I am neither of those things. 

"Refuse to quit, fuse is lit, can't defuse the wick

I don't do this music shit, I lose my shit"

Eminem

Barriers remain. My Driver's License is revoked, probably permanently, and for good reason. Relying on others for transportation makes booking gigs precarious, especially while living in the North Country. Venues usually schedule live entertainment many months in advance. I didn't seek out any of my paid gigs in 2024. I just played the shows that were offered. Transportation wasn't my only obstacle.

Being on Drug Court meant that I needed to ask permission to perform at bars and all other locations that serve alcohol. Consistently being granted that permission says an awful lot about how I conducted myself in the program. I graduated from Drug Court on 12/9/2024. My charge was reduced to a misdemeanor. By graduating, my availability to play traditional venues became a lot more flexible. I’m officially open for business now. 

And no, I'm not at all worried about being around alcohol or the people drinking it. I was never a bar drinker. What worries me most is the possibility of being forced to take some shitty 9 to 5, inevitably becoming incurably miserable, and ultimately succumbing to the temptation of self-medication in a doomed effort to numb the hopelessness and loathing that accompanies that dystopian way of life. I’m not built for that. Decades of suffering and instability serve as undeniable proof. 

My cancer status is still unknown, but I’m feeling quite physically capable for the most part. Regardless of the diagnosis, I am moving forward with my plans, both in music and in life overall. I don't get to decide or even influence the outcome, so I can only live for today. So far, there isn't any reason for me to believe there will be no tomorrow. 

Being back on stage after such a long and miserable hiatus, with all of the above-mentioned roadblocks in place, and having had numerous near-death experiences the previous year is an unlikely story. Going through a catastrophic breakup that left me broke and unhoused in June made it even less probable. I persevered. I’m back and I’m staying for a while. 

2024 was maybe the most ridiculous, significant, painful, and joyous year of my existence. It was, without question, the most rewarding cycle of my long musical career. That statement has nothing to do with money, although I am in desperate need of more of that right now.

Money has never been my main motivation for creativity. I don’t concern myself with attention seeking, collecting accolades, or pursuing prestige. I don’t care about bragging rights or competing with anyone else. 

And for the record:

Despite popular opinion, playing music has never just been an absurd attempt by me to get laid (that's what this blog is for).

When I lost music, I lost the spiritual frequency connected to my soul. Eventually, all was lost, including my identity. Foolishly, I decided not to quit. A new life began that day.

The 5th and final installment of "The Music Didn't Die, coming next...